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Captain Crackhead I NEED IT!!!!!!! Coffee mug
$16.99
For when the sun’s barely up and you’re already sweating for no reason — this mug understands.
Featuring Captain Crackhead mid-rant, eyes wide, gripping the void, screaming:
“I NEED IT!!!!!!!”
— this is the only mug legally classified as both drinkware and a cry for help.
- Holds 11oz of pure instability
- Microwave & dishwasher safe (unlike your decisions)
- Pairs well with gas station pills and bad ideas
- Handle designed for one-finger death grips
Perfect for:
- First coffee of the day
- Third coffee of the hour
- Court-mandated family breakfast
Captain Crackhead approved. Do not operate heavy machinery after drinking from this cup.